its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
