and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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