He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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