I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
