Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
