I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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