someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
