Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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