You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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