So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
