I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
