don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
