I'm so fucking centered right now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
