you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i think im in europe. pls send help
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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