it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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