Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My ass is underappreciated
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
