im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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