thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
