The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
