Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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