I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
