I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
