Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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