where am i from again
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
