Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
