Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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