Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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