If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
