I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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