Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
