My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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