dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
