farters have to be the big spoon...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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