you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
