Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
