the day after is always just damage control
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
