just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize