Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
