It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize