Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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