I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize