He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
