You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
