Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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