Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
