i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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