there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
