On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
