some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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