I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
