but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
