so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Still dying that you shit outside
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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