If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
