How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
