Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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