everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are two peas in an std pod
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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