im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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