I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
