apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found puke in my bra..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
