no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
