Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
