i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
