guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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