I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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