Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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