Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
