Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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